Can you calculate “Foot in mouth?”

On a break from dating my adorable manfriend several months ago (you might remember this not-so-made-in-Hollywood girls’ trip), I found myself out at a bar. I know. Quite the shocking turn of events.

My mom happened to also be in town this particular weekend, and we were enjoying standing around catching up with the girls when two bold young men approached the group. As only moms typically pick up on, these boys seemed to have bee-lined over to us as soon as they walked in the door—forsaking the 12 other people they had come in with—to talk to us. Obviously, the only conclusion here is that we were looking SUPER hot. Duh.

The boys were good sports, taking quite a bit of good-natured ribbing from our feisty bunch—much of which focused on one of the guys' calculator watch. Yes. He was wearing a calculator watch. Like from the ‘80’s. We made quite a few jokes about when a calculator on one’s arm might come in handy. Calculating tips. Spelling BOOBLESS… Calculating when two trains might meet in the middle of the country if one left San Francisco travelling at 68 mph and one left New York City travelling at 95 mph…

At some point during the course of the night, the one guy was looking at me and said, “I like your necklace. It’s very… Umm… Colorful.”

Now, I’ve worn this necklace a thousand times. And, I do get numerous compliments on it. It’s several strands of colorful, wooden beads. Often people ask if I got it on vacation in Mexico or tell me it looks very exotic, interesting, fun.

So, I said to the guy, “You just thought about that for a good thirty seconds, and all you could come up with was ‘colorful?!’ That was some deep thinking! Very creative.”

When all the girls pitched in on the taunting, he started laughing and said, “Ok fine! I was staring at your boobs and thought I had just been caught looking, so I had to come up with something!”

The whole group burst out laughing then, and it continued when my friend Amy said, “I love that! I love it for so many reasons. First of all, I appreciate you noticing them. They are pretty fantastic, aren’t they?!” (I swear she really said that!) “Second, I love that you just admitted to it. And third, I love that you admitted to checking out KB’s boobs in front of her mom!”



And, after all that, later in the night he still asked me out. My coworkers really wanted me to go on the date and bring back the calculator watch as a trophy, much like a hunter would return from a big hunt with the head of a lion he had just killed.