"There's been an accident in the pool"

You know how sometimes you go to the pool and hope not to get a lot of attention because, say, you've just come from an all-you-can-eat brunch (and brunch was after a spin class where even the instructor said afterwards, "Wow. That was really hard!" so you ate everything, twice)? And then something happens and you have ALL the attention? Yeah... That happened yesterday.

I love the pool. I love swimming. I love sunning. I love reading and listening to music. I love trying to pretend all those kids at the pool aren't there by sipping cocktails and blasting Taylor Swift in my earbuds.

Then, the sun goes behind the adjacent building, and it's my cue to get in the water. I throw off my headphones and sunglasses and slip into the pool trying hard not to make a splash or otherwise draw a whole lot of notice to myself. (Right?? The one time I'm not trying to be center of attention! If there is ever a time I'm trying not to be noticed, it's in a bathing suit after stuffing my face, that's for sure.)

Huh. I'm the only person in the water. All the families must be packing up to head home. All at once.

Then I hear a child's alarm, "Uh oh!!! There's someone in the pool!"

What?!?

All eyes are on me. All of them. Every eye. All over my brunch-inflated, whale-sized floatation. Then, they're all talking to me; well, the ones who aren't staring, mouths agape at what I've done or the bitchy, gay couple that's in a fit of giggles are talking.

"Miss, miss? There's been an accident in the pool. We're not swimming right now."

Always apropos, I say, "Oh shit!!!" and jump out.

Then I get the story.

How did I miss a kid POOPING in the pool, miss everyone else noticing it and extricating themselves and their 100 kids each from the water and then sitting around chatting about the proper way to handle POOP in the POOL?!??!?!

Something to think about, I suppose, as I spend the next 4 days in the shower.