The Wall Street Journal tweeted yesterday that one in five women in Hong Kong will never find a husband as the gender imbalance widens. One in FIVE!
ACK!!! What if that statistic is relevant in DC?! I would totally be the one out of the five (in spite of all my sparkly magnificence, obviously. Obviously. Please agree!)!!
This was a funny joke to me until I actually did a little digging. Now, I’m bordering on a breakdown. The news does not sound better for me when you take a look at the actual comparative numbers. As I reported yesterday, for every 100 women in DC, there are only 89 men (according to the 2010 US census). Well, get this! For every 100 women in Hong Kong, there are 94 men (according to the 2012 World Factbook)!! That’s 5 more men than in DC! And, I’m not entirely sure how the gays play into this statistical meltdown I’m about to have!
I’m doomed!!! DOOMED!!!!!
That’s it. I need to move! Where should I move?! You know what I need? I need an insider at the US Census Bureau. We need to approach this logically, rationally and scientifically—you know, the same way as I approach everything.
The Census would have broken down all sorts of population statistics by state, region, city and—important to relocation imperatives—neighborhood. I’m almost sure that all this information could probably be found publicly, but in such a panicked state, who can sift through the vast and endless interwebs and then sort through numbers?! Do you know how long it took me to put the Hong Kong ratio of men to women into similar terms as I had the DC number?! I need an insider whose head doesn’t explode facing down so many digits!!
So, please, spread the word that I am in search of a number cruncher from inside the US Census Bureau who can run the numbers and tell me, down to the neighborhood, where I should move to ensure I am not the ONE in FIVE who never gets married. I will be sitting here, with my head between my knees.
Thank you.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Man hunting in Alaska
Did you know that for every 100 women in DC there are only 89 men? And, a depressingly/delightfully significant number of those 89 men are gay, gay, gay. Conversely, in Alaska, for every 100 women, there are 108 men. Burly, sexy, manly men.
So, I went on a cruise to Alaska.
Let’s just take a minute to reflect on the cruising population. At least on an Alaskan cruise and not including the 28 members of my family that were on the boat, obviously (what solidarity and support my family has, right?! There were so many of them on such a trip just to help me find a man!!*), cruisers are not what you might define as “eligible bachelors.” As it turns out, an Alaskan cruise is a popular vacation for family reunions and the retired community. It’s definitely not the top choice for hot, thirty-something men looking to cut loose, party and meet the loves of their lives! Imagine my shock! No matter, my sights were set on the man-packed land excursions!
Let me show you a picture, literally, of what the ports looked like where we stopped for a few hours at a time.
It’s hard to step out of the shadow of the cruise ship and the cruisers to experience the swarms of Alaskan men I was promised by the statistics (statistics!! That’s science after all!) when you’re in a town with a population of 600 that exists solely to cater to tourists.
One local Alaskan man tried to run me over in his minivan while I was taking the above picture and when he started backing into me. “What a potential meet cute,” you’re thinking, right? Well, you didn’t see me screaming at him and his toothless expression of overwhelmed surprise/fear.
Our stop in Juneau was more promising. The scenery was gorgeous! The hike we went on was beyond incredible! The guide, adorable! And, from California. Not local. Not Alaskan. Not single.
Everyone we met seemed to be a transplant from another outdoorsy city in the “Lower 48,” shipped in for the summer months to cater to the tourists. But, they were cute and endearingly passionate about whatever it was they were guiding us through. So, maybe there are more of them in the places from which they came?
Alaska turned out to be a bust on the quest for marriage material. But, there is hope! There have to be other regions that boast high numbers of eligible men. I saw some of their ambassadors while in Alaska. I’ll just have to start traveling to these other regions that promise high concentrations of men!
People travel all the time based on special interests: good hikes, beaches, white water rafting adventures, spa vacations, yoga retreats, safaris, wine tours… How is this any different?! I may have just created a new genre of vacationers!
You’re welcome, travel industry.
*The cruise was really for my grandma’s birthday. She loved it, and it was an awesome celebration! My impending nuptials were raised again and again, however, amid a flurry of familial support. My cousin in the hair care business, for instance, is on a quest for the perfect shampoo combination to put my tresses at maximum man-attracting potential. It really takes a village, doesn’t it?
So, I went on a cruise to Alaska.
Let’s just take a minute to reflect on the cruising population. At least on an Alaskan cruise and not including the 28 members of my family that were on the boat, obviously (what solidarity and support my family has, right?! There were so many of them on such a trip just to help me find a man!!*), cruisers are not what you might define as “eligible bachelors.” As it turns out, an Alaskan cruise is a popular vacation for family reunions and the retired community. It’s definitely not the top choice for hot, thirty-something men looking to cut loose, party and meet the loves of their lives! Imagine my shock! No matter, my sights were set on the man-packed land excursions!
Let me show you a picture, literally, of what the ports looked like where we stopped for a few hours at a time.
It’s hard to step out of the shadow of the cruise ship and the cruisers to experience the swarms of Alaskan men I was promised by the statistics (statistics!! That’s science after all!) when you’re in a town with a population of 600 that exists solely to cater to tourists.
One local Alaskan man tried to run me over in his minivan while I was taking the above picture and when he started backing into me. “What a potential meet cute,” you’re thinking, right? Well, you didn’t see me screaming at him and his toothless expression of overwhelmed surprise/fear.
Our stop in Juneau was more promising. The scenery was gorgeous! The hike we went on was beyond incredible! The guide, adorable! And, from California. Not local. Not Alaskan. Not single.
Everyone we met seemed to be a transplant from another outdoorsy city in the “Lower 48,” shipped in for the summer months to cater to the tourists. But, they were cute and endearingly passionate about whatever it was they were guiding us through. So, maybe there are more of them in the places from which they came?
Alaska turned out to be a bust on the quest for marriage material. But, there is hope! There have to be other regions that boast high numbers of eligible men. I saw some of their ambassadors while in Alaska. I’ll just have to start traveling to these other regions that promise high concentrations of men!
People travel all the time based on special interests: good hikes, beaches, white water rafting adventures, spa vacations, yoga retreats, safaris, wine tours… How is this any different?! I may have just created a new genre of vacationers!
You’re welcome, travel industry.
*The cruise was really for my grandma’s birthday. She loved it, and it was an awesome celebration! My impending nuptials were raised again and again, however, amid a flurry of familial support. My cousin in the hair care business, for instance, is on a quest for the perfect shampoo combination to put my tresses at maximum man-attracting potential. It really takes a village, doesn’t it?
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