Man hunting in Alaska

Did you know that for every 100 women in DC there are only 89 men? And, a depressingly/delightfully significant number of those 89 men are gay, gay, gay. Conversely, in Alaska, for every 100 women, there are 108 men. Burly, sexy, manly men.

So, I went on a cruise to Alaska.

Let’s just take a minute to reflect on the cruising population. At least on an Alaskan cruise and not including the 28 members of my family that were on the boat, obviously (what solidarity and support my family has, right?! There were so many of them on such a trip just to help me find a man!!*), cruisers are not what you might define as “eligible bachelors.” As it turns out, an Alaskan cruise is a popular vacation for family reunions and the retired community. It’s definitely not the top choice for hot, thirty-something men looking to cut loose, party and meet the loves of their lives! Imagine my shock! No matter, my sights were set on the man-packed land excursions!

Let me show you a picture, literally, of what the ports looked like where we stopped for a few hours at a time.

It’s hard to step out of the shadow of the cruise ship and the cruisers to experience the swarms of Alaskan men I was promised by the statistics (statistics!! That’s science after all!) when you’re in a town with a population of 600 that exists solely to cater to tourists.

One local Alaskan man tried to run me over in his minivan while I was taking the above picture and when he started backing into me. “What a potential meet cute,” you’re thinking, right? Well, you didn’t see me screaming at him and his toothless expression of overwhelmed surprise/fear.

Our stop in Juneau was more promising. The scenery was gorgeous! The hike we went on was beyond incredible! The guide, adorable! And, from California. Not local. Not Alaskan. Not single.

Everyone we met seemed to be a transplant from another outdoorsy city in the “Lower 48,” shipped in for the summer months to cater to the tourists. But, they were cute and endearingly passionate about whatever it was they were guiding us through. So, maybe there are more of them in the places from which they came?

Alaska turned out to be a bust on the quest for marriage material. But, there is hope! There have to be other regions that boast high numbers of eligible men. I saw some of their ambassadors while in Alaska. I’ll just have to start traveling to these other regions that promise high concentrations of men!

People travel all the time based on special interests: good hikes, beaches, white water rafting adventures, spa vacations, yoga retreats, safaris, wine tours… How is this any different?! I may have just created a new genre of vacationers!

You’re welcome, travel industry.





*The cruise was really for my grandma’s birthday. She loved it, and it was an awesome celebration! My impending nuptials were raised again and again, however, amid a flurry of familial support. My cousin in the hair care business, for instance, is on a quest for the perfect shampoo combination to put my tresses at maximum man-attracting potential. It really takes a village, doesn’t it?