Bobsledding Darlings

In this down economy, I’ve been thinking lately about what I would do if I were going to have an alternate career. I’ve been considering jobs that are relatively unaffected by changes in financial climate and do not require going back to school.

As such, I have decided that being part of an Olympic bobsled team with my friends might be fun. I mean, Olympic athletes are athletes whether they have money or not, right? I’m also pretty sure we’d be so good at it that we’d get crazy endorsement deals. Does Sephora have a bobsled endorsement deal yet? We’d be excellent Sephora spokespeople. And, you know, an endorsement on the bobsled track would surely have a big impact on Sephora’s target audience.

As I continue to fantasize over this career change, I even wrote a news story about when our bobsled team wins Olympic gold in the unique manner that is my friends.

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Olympic Darlings: US Bobsled Team Lives Up to Hype and Wins Gold

SOMEWHERE, Yet-to-be-determined -- The four-woman US bobsled team is known for being loved by all who meet them and celebrated for being "just so darn fun," as their fan club's t-shirts read. Who knew they could additionally compete against such esteemed teams as the Germans and Italians--and triumph?

The team, made up by Jackie, Kate, Maura, and driver Kristin, owes its success to its unconventional race technique. Coach Mary-Ellen starts them off at the top of the course by encouragingly screaming "MOVE IT, BITCHES!" before she hurries down the mountain herself on a snowmobile the women lovingly refer to as Gizmo The Cat, named after their infamous college pet that caused a lot of problems in their house. Mary-Ellen then positions herself to hand open beer to the team as they pass the finish line.

“This team is like no other team I’ve ever coached. There’s a real synergy there. They love to win, but more than that, they love to drink beer at high speeds. Since it’s illegal in cars, we’ve found a way to make it happen for them and maybe pick up a few medals along the way,” Coach Mary-Ellen said of the women.

The technique was at first controversial, but after seeing the success of the team and the technique, other teams have begun to adopt similar styles. There was an unfortunate incident at the world games when the Canadians missed their timing and careened into the crowd as margarita salt got into the driver’s eyes.

No other team has been able to master the beer handoff while zipping past the finish line as smoothly as the Americans. No one has, therefore, ever used the technique in a winning race, unlike the Americans who have done it today to bring home the gold.

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So, this may be my last blog post, as we will need to move to Nagano or somewhere in Northern Canada shortly to begin training on the bobsled track. Wish us luck.