As I said, one of my favorite things to do is to say really outrageous things and observe people’s reactions. Their faces flash from “Is she serious?!” to “She is certifiable. It’s amazing people with giant butterfly nets aren’t chasing her around,” to “Oh no, wait. I think she’s kidding,” to “Yeah, she’s kidding,” to finally “Is she kidding?”
The pinnacle of this fun game is to tell people just how much I obviously look like Eva Longoria. If someone tells me I look familiar, I’ll respond with, “Oh yeah, I get that all the time. It’s because I look exactly like Eva Longoria.” Or, I’ll say things like, “Oh, Eva Longoria’s new haircut looks super cute on her. Maybe I should get my hair cut too, since it will clearly look great on me too.” The trick is to do it with a straight face and sit back to observe the wonderment (yeah, “wonderment;” that’s what we’ll call it…).
I’ll let you in on a secret: I look nothing like Eva Longoria. I couldn’t look less like Eva. Well, I probably could, but it’s a pretty long shot as it is. First of all, I’m about a hundred pounds heavier than she is. Ok, probably not actually 100 pounds heavier. I mean, if Eva weighed only 30-something—err,let’s go with 5—pounds, she probably wouldn’t have gotten the role as the sex symbol on Desperate Housewives that she did. She’s also probably a little shorter than I am and wears her hair a little differently than I do. And, oh yeah, I am not even an ounce Latina.
This particular joke really took off when I started sending out Christmas cards with “my” picture on them. Look, they’re from Lolly too!
People had really funny reactions to the cards. The lucky recipients would display the cards at their houses, and at one particular friend’s house, someone commented on it saying, “Hey, who’s this?! Your friend is HOT!” My friend then replied, “Well, Kristin is hot, but that is actually a picture of Eva Longoria, you know, the major celebrity.” Everyone had a good laugh then.
A favorite story, though, is when one of my best friends’ sister and boyfriend-at-the-time, who I’d met a hundred times, received my card in the mail. My friend, who had recently gotten married, happened to be at their house, so when the boyfriend-at-the-time opened the card, he said, “Oh my gosh! Who is your friend Kristin and why didn’t I meet her at the wedding?!”
My friend: “You have met Kristin many times, including at the wedding. She’s even been over here to your house. This, however, is a picture of Eva Longoria. Do you watch TV?” I’m sure he then instantly noticed the resemblance.
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