It’s college football season!!!

Wait, whose blog is this??

Yeah, I’m not what one might call a “football fan.” I am a fan of fun, eligible guys, though, and as it turns out they are fans of college football! I smell a dating scheme coming on!

I decided I would find a college football team to support, get an adorable shirt for the team, go to bars on game days and flirt with the sports fans! This worked on many levels—provided I studied up on the team:

1. I could flirt knowledgeably with alumni or fans of “my team” during the game; they’d be impressed with my fandom and ask me out.
2. I could teasingly flirt with guys supporting the opposing team by trash talking—in a coy, yet knowledgeable way—they’d be impressed and ask me out.
3. I could flirt with boys at bars outside of game days, asking where they were planning on watching “the game;” then, of course, they’d be so charmed they’d ask me out.
4. I could spout off football facts in general conversation with boys in bars; they’d be impressed, ask me which “my team” was, we’d spar if there was a rivalry, and then they’d ask me out.

This seemed like a perfect plan. And! My guy friends were entirely on board with the plan! Now, they’ve laughed off many a scheme I’ve concocted, so their support meant this was a real gem and was going to work! Or, they just wanted someone to go to sports bars and watch games with them…

The first order of business was selecting a team for my undying loyalty. Since boys were involved, or perhaps because these boys were involved, a spreadsheet had to be created. With two separate tabs. Quite a bit of analysis and research went into this decision, and while options were narrowed down by “scientific” means, a true winner had to take into consideration a few more subjective inputs.

Important qualifications for The School:

• Cute guys
• Fun guys
• Smart guys
• High earning potential for graduates

(Notice none of the characteristics have anything to do with actual playing ability or on-field record. Those got cut from the boys’ requirements list pretty early!)

The spreadsheet indicated that the schools with the most fun guys, shockingly, didn’t have the highest earning potential! How were we to find The School with The Team?! One of my guy friends invested in this project decided we should ditch the smarts to go for a guy who likes to have a good time—or else I should just hope our other guy friend invested in the project, a rare Harvard graduate who likes to party, had some friends from school to go after. Please. We can all assume I exhausted the gravy train of friends of friends long ago.

We came out with the following lists.

Fun schools:

• Penn State University – These guys seem like jerks, don’t they?


• University of Mississippi – Really? Do I strike you as a Southern Belle that these guys would be attracted to?
• University of Georgia – See entry above.
• West Virginia University – So many reasons for no.
• University of Texas – I’m so not into cowboy boots or hats. Oh, and I’ve dated a couple Texans. No thanks.

We eventually knocked out the party schools because if the guys are at a bar and having fun, that’s pretty self selecting. They didn’t have to go to a fun school to be a fun guy! Back to the potential earners or otherwise nice guys!

Most well-rounded guys, according to the spreadsheet:

• Texas A&M – See Texas above.
• University of Arizona – As a sister of two Arizona State University graduates, I think I’d be run out of the family.

As scientific as we could get cross-referencing several different college rankings:

1. UT Austin: #2 football ranking, #7 party school, respectable average SAT score of 1240
2. California (Berkeley): #10 football ranking, has a sister school with a party ranking of #10, #21 SAT (1337), #21 Salary ($112k mid career)
3. Notre Dame (#18 football ranking, #9 Salary, #20 SAT)

The winner ended up being Ohio State. What can I say? We went to a bar one day, there was a cute guy wearing an Ohio State jersey, and a team allegiance was born! Spreadsheets be damned! This might be one of the many reasons girls make guys crazy.