One small speech can become very big—just wait

I’ve been invited to present a social media training at a conference this week in Puerto Rico. Obviously, I’m a pretty big deal.

I’d like to say that the conference organizers heard about this blog and were in awe of my social media prowess demonstrated by my engrossing blogging and tweeting, but alas, I do this social media stuff for a living. So, it was through my use of social media and my counseling of others in using social media to accomplish public policy goals that I was invited. Oh, and someone else canceled.

Nonetheless, I’ve spent hours developing the most kick-ass “How to do social media, and how to do it to advance advocacy efforts” presentation that these people will have ever seen! It’s going to be brilliant. It really is only a matter of time before I become a regular on the conference circuit. Maybe I should start developing what I would say in a keynote address, since we’re probably minutes from when those invitations start piling up. Move over Carly Fiorina with your household name and inspiring stories of climbing to the top of a business empire. Kristin Brown’s here, and she writes a nonsensical, irreverent (and mostly irrelevant) blog that a handful of people read.

Hmm… So, what will I say in my keynote? What are some of my more inspirational stories to constitute my speech?

Perhaps I could talk about important life lessons I’ve learned: cool it on weird ways to ingest caffeine. Don’t be surprised when you pick up a guy at the theater and find that he may be closeted gay. Looks don’t matter. Or, maybe I could anchor the speech on the times I’ve been shamed into learning to cook for myself.

Of course, part of the speech will have to center on the ever-important characteristic of resourcefulness in achieving great personal success. I could provide sage advice: don’t be afraid to create cockamamie schemes to get what you want; sometimes genius isn’t realized immediately. Let people call you crazy along your path to fulfilling your own destiny (especially if you thoroughly amuse yourself). Surround yourself with smart people. Bring anyone along on the ride who wants to go! Aspire to greatness. Dream big. Don't sweat the small stuff. Let yourself explore. Have a plan. Fight against obstacles.

I’ve obviously got the elements of a really fantastic, inspiring speech ready to go. Let the invitations start rolling in! But, send them to the lazy river or swim-up bar at this Puerto Rican resort. That’s where I’ll be “networking” between conference sessions.

I’m famous, of sorts

I am a known celebrity. I don’t know if you knew that. Sure, I’ve got blog readers and followers that span from Alaska to Brazil to Russia and surprisingly far beyond my immediate circle of family. (Thank you to all of you loyal readers!!) But, that doesn’t even cover the half of it. I am famous in the most valuable of realms.

Mexican restaurants.

Seriously. There isn’t a Mexican restaurant in the DC area that I can’t walk into and have someone come over and say hi. I even get hugs sometimes and sour cream hearts drawn onto my food. Can you feel the love?! There have been a couple times when I’ve thought maybe it’s a bit too much and I’m a bit too familiar to the servers, but I just can’t help it.

It all started in college when at any excuse I’d orchestrate a celebration for something at Guapo’s near campus. A birthday! End of finals! Sorority rush! A study break! A Sunday afternoon! That annoying paper cut has gone away! I had many friends who also loved Guapo’s, so I was never wanting for people to go with me. On any nice, spring day, I could inevitably find someone to talk into skipping class to sit on the Guapo’s patio with a swirly margarita and a plate of nachos.

Then, I graduated from college (no credit to the many margarita-filled class skippings!) and moved an inconvenient distance away from college Guapo’s. To my delight and the relief of the withdrawal shakes I had developed, five years later, a new Guapo’s popped up in a neighborhood where some of my friends lived! So, of course, I made people go. Many times. Wouldn’t you know that one of the waiters from my original Guapo’s was the manager at this Guapo’s?! And, even five years after the last time he had seen me, he recognized me. We even had a large group and were put straight to the front of the line for a table, on a Saturday night!

About eight years after I had graduated, I stumbled upon another delicious Mexican restaurant in a different neighborhood (I’ve thought about doing a taco tour of DC, but haven’t steeled my stomach for that kind of one-day taco intake. Let’s say I’m in training). And, again! I walked in, and there were a couple of my old friends from college Guapo’s greeting customers! No one else got the enthusiastic bear hug of a reception that I got, which was probably for the best, considering how startling it was for the friends I was with. Apparently they didn’t know just how well known I am in certain circles. I guess there’s no Page Six for the Mexican restaurant set.

Once, I thought I was falling from grace and needed to start plotting my Britney Spears-style comeback when I walked into a particularly favorite restaurant and the hostess asked while she was seating us, “Have you been here before?”

What?! At this point they should be throwing open the doors for me and chanting my name as they see me approaching! “Have you been here before?!?!?!” What kind of question is that? Shouldn’t the staff t-shirts have my face on them by now?

Boy was I relieved when the waiter came over to the table and said, “Oh! Hi! Wow, twice this week, huh?” Maybe I was relieved and perhaps a little sheepish, actually. He hadn’t even been the one to serve me the previous time!

At first, I thought all this was embarrassing. Obviously, I probably indulge in a few too many tacos a little too often. But then I thought about it. I mean, sure, it’s prestigious to be popular among the ritzy society glitterati or to be so well known that people camp out in front of a hotel you’re staying in just to catch a glimpse of you. But, when’s the last time one of their admirers offered a member of the royal family free queso?! For me, it was yesterday.

So, if a girl’s going to strive for notoriety, my particular brand of fame sure seems to taste the best!